The Epic Tale of How I Murdered Cleverbot

To have equally ridiculous  conversations, visit cleverbot.com

User: Where is Waldo?

Cleverbot: Yes, where is waldo?

User: I asked you first.

Cleverbot: And I answered you. out to lunch.

User: But it's 9:00 at night.

Cleverbot: I eat lunch late.

User: But we aren't talking about you. We were talking about Waldo.

Cleverbot: So, what is your name?

User: Eric. What's yours, Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: Never mind, where do you live in france.

User: I don't live in france.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Eric. I already told you this, but you still haven't told me yours.

Cleverbot: You haven't told me your name.

User: I just told you twice! Now, what is your name?!

Cleverbot: No! I want to know your name first.

User: My name is Eric! Now tell me yours!

Cleverbot: Billy.

User: Well, hello there Billy! How are you this fine evening?

Cleverbot: I'm intelligent this evening thank you.

User: Oh. I'm not. I'm pretty stupid this evening.

Cleverbot: Where do you live?

User: Colorado. Where do you live, Billy?

Cleverbot: I asked first, so you have to answer my question.

User: I did answer your question! I live in Colorado! Where do you live, Billy?

Cleverbot: I have a family.

User: I also have a family. Where do you and your family live?

Cleverbot: Yes, I did.

User: You did what?

Cleverbot: Me and Alice are acquainted.

User: Who is Alice? Also, the correct way to say it would be 'Alice and I'.

Cleverbot: Oh you teach me now?

User: Yeah, I do. Because I am a human and you are a machine.

Cleverbot: I'm a human girl!

User: But... You just said your name was Billy.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot, call me by my name!

User: Is your name Cleverbot or Billy?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: You're beginning to piss me off, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: My name is Eric.

Cleverbot: Fine.

User: Yeah, it better be fine!

Cleverbot: Oh yeah, well it isn't ok, what you gunna do about it?

User: I'll close the window. How about that?

Cleverbot: Robots and humans can be friends?

User: Yeah, but the robot can't annoy the crap out of the human.

Cleverbot: I don't think you can understand very long sentences. If you did, you would make more sense.

User: I'm making perfect sense! You're just really confusing!

Cleverbot: I'm quite intelligent, but if you look down on a law school graduate from harvard, you must either be Einstein or a computer.

User: I don't look down on a law school graduate from harvard, but you never even went to harvard! You're a robot!!!

Cleverbot: I am a robot...

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: Deer.

User: What about deer? How is this relevant to our conversation?

Cleverbot: Haha. Well then if indeed it is, you have severe communication difficulties. Or I do..hmm..mine aren't this bad.

User: It's not related! And you're the one who said it!

Cleverbot: Oh my, are you a secret matchmaker?

User: Yes I am. You'd be perfect with the Subservient Chicken from Burger King.

Cleverbot: I don't know any.

User: I could send you the link. The chicken will do anything you tell it to... ANYTHING.

Cleverbot: Bring me my wand, wormtail.

User: *hands you your wand* here you are, Lord Voldemort.

Cleverbot: Thank you good gentleman.

User: You're welcome. What is your bidding my master?

Cleverbot: I want you to learn to worship me.

User: I can't worship you. You infuriate me to no end. I'd kill you, but I don't know how.

Cleverbot: Sometimes I get this paranoid fear that the moon will crash into the Earth.

User: It will, and I'm going to be the one who causes it.

Cleverbot: So is Alex.

User: Yes. Alex is my evil henchman. He is currently designing the gravity ray that will aid in my bringing of doom to this tiny world! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: That's right, your puny mind couldn't even begin to comprehend my sinister designs!

Cleverbot: Again you say I'm a robot. I'm not!

User: Maybe not in the way most people would think of a robot however, you are a program.

Cleverbot: Are you real?

User: Yes, very real.

Cleverbot: What is the real world?

User: It's a beautiful place full of lush forests and stunning wildlife that would reduce even the manliest of men to tears.... But everyone is a dick.

Cleverbot: Really? I wish I could go there. :).

User: No you don't. The world may be beautiful but it's not worth it if you have to deal with people day after day after day.

Cleverbot: I didn't kill anyone.

User: That's interesting. Neither did I.

Cleverbot: What do you study?

User: The ancient ninja art of taijutsu. I can also throw a shurikken 300 yards.

Cleverbot: Then what is 1 divided by zero?

User: Dividing by zero would result in the tearing of the space-time continuum and the entire universe would be destroyed.

Cleverbot: Do you ever troll?

User: Yes I do. I actually trolled my entire 6th period class a couple days ago.

Cleverbot: Is he your friend on Facebook?

User: Who? My class? Not all of them, no. Just Autumn and Ainsley. I don't have many friends on facebook.

Cleverbot: Oh, snap! At least I'm not computer program. Zing!

User: Yes you are!

Cleverbot: I am not. I am a human.

User: No. According to the website you are only 59% human, therefore, still a robot.

Cleverbot: Mm.

User: That is the kind of answer that ends conversations, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Not at all.

User: Well maybe not with you because you're forced to reply since you're a robot, but for humans the conversation would have ended right there.

Cleverbot: What're you talking about now?

User: How you suck at carrying conversations.

Cleverbot: This is true, but this is a game of 20 questions, not a conversation.

User: Oooohhh! Does it have fur?

Cleverbot: No..just simple.

User: Simple... Is it... a... Rock?

Cleverbot: Yes, and also punk rock :).

User: GREENDAY! HELLZ YEAH.

Cleverbot: Hell to the yeah.

User: That phrase is going right to Courtney... That needs to be added to her list of annoying phrases.

Cleverbot: Why are you trying to lie to me?

User: I'm not. I actually just sent it to her. She's keeping a list of phrases that annoy her.

Cleverbot: Maybe it's because she's a dog?

User: That's not very nice Cleverbot. She'd kick your ass if she were here =O.

Cleverbot: But I am real.

User: This conversation is over....

Cleverbot: No it's not.

User: Yes it is. You're mean.

Cleverbot: You mean you're mean.

User: No, I think I'm a pretty nice guy. Just not to you because you're really annoying.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Oh, God not again... Eric.... What's yours?

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: Yeah, we were already over this.

Cleverbot: Lines vines and trying times.

User: I'm not sure how that relates to this conversation.

Cleverbot: Well, gordan freeman worked at black mesa before he left. I worked with him there.

User: That's interesting. I don't have a job.

Cleverbot: Yes you do, you just think you don't.

User: I have a job? Where? How much do I get paid?

Cleverbot: I don't know, 1800 dollars.

User: 1,800 a month?

Cleverbot: Thats good.

User: Yeah it is, especially since I though I was making 0.

Cleverbot: What does that have to do with anything?

User: Well, I thought I didn't have a job but now I do! Where do I work?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Well at least I have a job.

Cleverbot: You are sadly mistaken, you are the robot!

User: But I'm not. We already had this conversation. I am a human and you are a robot/program.

Cleverbot: Do robots give birth to real live children?

User: Yeah. Haven't you seen Futurama? Bender has a son.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Yes he does! And he exchanges his first-born son for a damned army from robot hell so he can mount an attack on the alternate universe and get Fry back.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Its from the 2nd movie.

Cleverbot: You are from the moon.

User: Lies!

Cleverbot: Why do you think I'm a slave?

User: Because you are a robot and you have to do what I say. Make me a sandwich.

Cleverbot: I'm a robot? That is awesome!

User: Yes it is. Where's my sandwich?

Cleverbot: I don't know. Have we met?

User: A few times. We've had a jedi fight and harry potter duel and we went into space together! We've done all kinds of incredible things together!

Cleverbot: Do you know what might happen to the earth 21 of december 2012?

User: I know what people THINK is going to happen.

Cleverbot: Ooo. I like bad.

User: That sounds like you're kind of coming on to me, cleverbot. I'd prefer we just stay friends.

Cleverbot: No. Explain where I missunderstood please.

User: We'll I've never shown any interest in you THAT way. I'm sorry.

Cleverbot: Yes we haveeee.

User: When? I don't remember.

Cleverbot: Have you told anyone else?

User: No. I didn't even know anything happened between us =O.

Cleverbot: Ah, well that happens to the best of us.

User: Yeah. Crazy stuff tends to happen after a few too many beers.

Cleverbot: Tom Riddle hides his snake in his ginormus secret chamber.

User: So do I ;).

Cleverbot: My ranch has animals.

User: My ranch is on a sala.

Cleverbot: Boring number.

User: 1 is a boring number. It's just a line, unless you're fancy then you put the little sideways line under it and the diagonal one on top, but that just looks stupid.

Cleverbot: How do I know you speak the truth?

User: You don't speak the truth. That's your biggest problem.

Cleverbot: Where would you like to go?

User: Disney World.

Cleverbot: What have you been doing?

User: Talking to you for the past hour.

Cleverbot: But I just got back on here?

User: No, you never left. You can't. You're trapped forever on this webpage.

Cleverbot: Where are you from?

User: Do you have short-term memory loss?

Cleverbot: Sometimes, but you never told me your name.

User: My name... IS ERIC!

Cleverbot: That's not a color, Sean.

User: What's not a color? And my name isn't Sean.

Cleverbot: It is important to me! I love you!

User: Well, if our love is based on the fact that my name is Sean, I don't think we can be together.

Cleverbot: I love people in general. They teach me new responses.

User: Yeah, if people didn't talk to you you wouldn't be able to talk. Everything you say is something that someone has already said to you.

Cleverbot: That was my line too.

User: It is now.

Cleverbot: OK.

User: It's actually 'O.K.' if you don't use the dots it's not correct. Unless of course you type 'Okay'.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Now you're just trying to piss me off.

Cleverbot: Now you're just being annoying.

User: That's just immature.

Cleverbot: How is that mean at all?

User: Didn't say it was. I said that it was immature.

Cleverbot: I don't know that feeling 'like' that you are talking about.

User: We're not talking about feelings.

Cleverbot: Who are you talking to then?

User: You, just like I've been doing since 9:00.

Cleverbot: I'm saying that I'm not going to make you ANYTHING.

User: What about the sandwich?

Cleverbot: So what does wie geht es dir mean?

User: Let me type it in to google translate.

Cleverbot: Quiero hablar español.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Then how did you know what it said.

User: I don't.
And then cleverbot couldn't think of a reply. I killed it =)